Some years ago, in the interest of fending off starvation, I found it necessary to deliver pizzas for a few months. It was actually kind of fun, and I made some interesting observations along the way. Here you go...
Pizza Delivery Driver, Segment 1
Ok, so I deliver pizzas now.
Yeah, that's what I said, too.
No, that's not me in the picture. Just a random pizza guy.
ART'S ADVICE
Tuesday was my first day. My trainer is a guy named Art (as in "work of"). Art gave me some pizza delivery survival tips:
1. If the store manager smells a little like Mary Jane sometimes, don't say anything. It helps mellow him out a little. Apparently, he needs it.
2. It's ok to entice the Dominoes delivery drivers into a street racing duel. It's called company spirit.
3. Cops generally look the other way if you're speeding and you have a pizza sign on your car. This comes in handy when street racing the Dominoes guys.
4. If I get mugged, don't try to be a hero. Just give 'em the money or the pizza or whatever they want. Cops look the other way for muggers, too.
OBSERVATIONS
So far, I've made the following observations:
1. The further the drive, the smaller the tip.
2. Old people tip well.
3. Young people are horrible tippers. I'm a youth pastor, and I love youth. But when I'm delivering pizzas, I hate them.
4. When arriving at a confusing apartment complex, the neighborhood kids are the best guides--AFTER I succeed in explaining to them that, no, the pizza is not for them.
EXPERIENCES
Today, as I drove to deliver at an unfamiliar apartment complex, I passed some cholos in a 7-11 parking lot. For some reason, the four of them suddenly stared at me as if I had just used their mom in a fat joke. They piled into a burgundy pickup truck and followed me two miles.
I drove around until I lost them, and then proceeded to make my delivery.
Maybe they just liked the smell of pizza.
I love your Pizza Delivery Guy stories -- you can't make that stuff up. There are some really odd people out there, and they must like pizza...
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